Week 4

My mind has felt so scrambled for the past few weeks. It's my first semester as a student, Student Success Specialist, and Train scholar. Balancing all 3 whilst trying to have somewhat of a social life was difficult, to say the least. I wasn't sure what to do or who to ask. I wrote an email to Amanda, and Josh about quitting because I felt like I wasn't the right candidate anymore.  

Amanda called me later that day, and it was intimidating at first because I assumed there'd be negative precautions for me. I was so paralyzed with fear and anxiety when I picked up the call. To my surprise, she was very understanding and didn't want to give up on me so easily. We had a long phone call discussing my frustrations and how I was approaching my problems. It felt nice talking through it all and being able to troubleshoot with someone else. 

She said that I could quit if I really felt like that was the best decision. During the call, I felt a lot less alone and felt like I should give it another shot. She gave me a few suggestions and I've been taking each into consideration. As well as talking to others within my support system about what I want to do next. 

What really stood out to me was when she clarified what the purpose of the program was. I assumed the purpose was the work, and that your eligibility was based on your presentation. Turns out that isn't the main focus. The main focus is that community college students who are studying STEM have the opportunity to do something related to their studies. 

I think had I known that earlier or asked about it, I wouldn't have been as stressed as I was. Though part of me is glad I learned the hard way. It gave me a chance to advocate for myself and be open about my struggles. I don't always do that but maybe that's what I need to do from now on.